To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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