If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I look better un-naked...
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize
