Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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