Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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