so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
he was CRYING into my vagina
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
