Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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