I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
