fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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