Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
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