sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
