Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
