First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
