As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize