Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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