i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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