It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
