Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I want to be your penis for a week.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Randomize
