i always forget guys have bellybuttons
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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