mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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