I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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