she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize