Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
