Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
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