1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
