I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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