i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
