so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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