Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
