remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Randomize