It was confusing and full of hummus
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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