I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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