oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
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