Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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