He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize