Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
