this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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