Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
