chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize