I want to walk on stilts...naked
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
