Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize