remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
