I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
