He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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