I skipped work to stalk him.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
my poor anus
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize