If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
