Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
