I didn't shave. On purpose
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Randomize
