Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
