I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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