I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
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