You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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