just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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