I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
