How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Randomize