I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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