OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
