i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
