just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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