Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
