someone owes me an orgasm
you mean i was at the winter classic?
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
