Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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