6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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