I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
