Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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